Sunday, May 28, 2006


It started with the dolls, I was able to see them reflected in the mirrors as I explained in my last post. (Classic Doll has arrived and joins Newt Sublime upon the table where they can be seen always when one stands in the hall. I have set up mirrors in each room so that they can always be reflected to this vantage of interior geography and head height…)

They’d started to respond to something, radio waves I had read, inscribed upon the steamed up windows of the living room in which I now stood. I hadn’t expected anything more from them but the voodoo as advertised on the packet. But, and Classic Doll started the whole thing followed by Newt, each head began a slow revolution and then spun faster at different speeds until they synchronized. Small objects in the room drew towards them and a few other small but heavier pieces made it as far as a peripheral orbit around them like insects circumnavigating a light source. I began an internal investigation:

“Wow, I wasn’t expecting that.”
“What, the…?”
“The spinning doll heads?”
“Pretty scary though I think.”
“Yeah, but they had an official health and safety seal on the box so…”
“What could go wrong?”

Newt’s left arm began to expand and elongate, uncoiling across the floor like a root. This ‘Evil Dead’ like oddity took about twenty minutes according to my digital watch and reached the fish tank where it finally dipped into the water with an exaggerated unfurling of its finger, pointing. I’d been watching this from the sofa in case I got varicose veins or some kind of clot.

Classic Dolls mouth began a wide opening like a start to a word, a first word that sounded like the seed of a mouth move towards sound in a flesh cathedral. ‘For even the smallest choir means more than all that has ever been said.’ The words on a flap at the base of Newts box had seemed no more than an aphorism.

Like a minute hand Newts slow brittle lips released their monotone mewl which I recorded through a tiny mike inside my watch noted for its consistent quality and comforting whir. At playback I was able to speed things up and to hear: ‘to the lake through the tank with snacks for the fish Spin-boy.’

“It’s ok.” I thought and fathomed from the short and cryptic message orated by the Newt doll that I would begin a journey with the fish. I had been a grand guardian of Pookie, Swim-Swim and Bubbles for long enough to feel comfortable climbing into their tank but I would have to do some shopping first.

I went out and bought a large can of fish treat flakes called ‘Fish flavor flaves’ which are especially shark flavoured to boost the confidence of domesticated marine life. In the fish section of the pet-shop I found a manual entitled, ‘How to construct underwater breathing apparatus in no time at all from household stuff and such and so on.’

The book informed me that I had all that I needed and using parts from discarded coffee machines found in the cafe, old gas pipes and elements from around the house I was able to construct an aid to sub-aquarianism. The fragile spires of partitioned rental rooms tottered in the wind.

During my journey:

I meet Paparazzi frogmen who ask me whether I’m a member of something called Ten-sided. Through verbiage restrictive apparatus I refuse to speak and swim off with a porpoise like spiral.

I wondered at the interconnectedness of all things and felt grateful for my chest attachment which came highly recommended in the ‘Other good stuff to do.’ chapter of the useful book that I mentioned earlier. The small parcel as such contained amongst other things a change of underwear, toothpaste and a small booklet of Impressionist paintings.

I shrank a little which may have been the result of water pressure or perhaps just the pressure of narrative.

Anyway I blanked out or something and the next thing is that I wake up hanging on a hook, comfortably but hanging is hanging. These two people pulled me out and I’m a little confused.

My neck is a little raw and chaffed because of the wraps I had used to keep my breathing bits on. I am mostly disorientated however and there are welts on my thighs that seem conspicuously like that of a tumble drier interior.

The thing is I think this is all about err…The thing is actually, now that…they’re good people, I’m just trying to acclimatize. I asked questions, but I needed time up a tree to think and to mumble for a bit amongst the soothing shrill of coconut rustle. Whilst I was up there I remembered the fish. What happened to Pookie, Swim-Swim and Bubbles?


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